The Dangerous Middle: How To Stick To Your Goals

Everyone talks about starting, quitting, and winning. But no one ever talks about the most important part, the part that takes the longest and is the hardest one to get through.

The long, boring, and repetitive middle. 

Quitting takes an instant. The same with winning. They are fractions of a second, moments that have been given a name that holds so much weight.

But between starting and winning, there’s the dangerous middle where almost all of the work is done. 

I’m not undermining what it takes to start; sometimes, that truly is the hardest part. But we all know what starting means, it’s simply doing the work we haven’t done yet.

But the middle? The middle is like being stranded at sea, not knowing whether you’re going to survive or die all alone and be remembered as the guy that didn’t make it.

There is so much involved in this middle period that it’s genuinely hard to conceptualise, yet it’s barely ever spoken about.

Starting is attractive, winning is sexy, and quitting is emotional. But the middle? That’s just miserable. 

But why am I calling this period of time dangerous? Why is it so bad? 

The Dangers

One of the dangers is how you enter it. To get into the middle period, you have to have completed the starting phase.

The problem with this is that starting feels amazing. When you first set out, not only do you feel good about yourself, as by simply starting you’re making progress, the progress you actually make in the beginning is also elevated.

If you’ve never done something before, the rate of your learning is high and you get more bang for your buck.

This is the early learning phase, it feels great as motivation is plentiful, progress is constant, and confidence increases.

But going from 0 to 1 is much easier than going from 1 to 2, 2 to 3, and so on. Meaning, when you get into the middle, you’re coming off of a high from the start.

If you have no experience with the middle, this can feel terrible. Without knowing what to expect, reaching the middle is like running into a brick wall. 

You get less for the same amount of effort, everything you do becomes less enjoyable, more repetitive, and all of the above without the exponentially positive feedback loop. 

The feeling of reaching the middle, but also continuing to work through it, is no easy task, especially when you don't see it coming.

How do you distinguish the difference between the feelings of doubt and questioning the path as an inevitable consequence of reaching the middle or a true sign that you're doing the wrong thing?

Without awareness, there’s really only one outcome, which is to start over again with something new.

It’s similar to a relationship and leaving the honeymoon phase, if you expect that to last, you’re in for a shock. It doesn’t mean there’s no love, that love just evolves, and the way that love is expressed shifts with the relationship.

If you expect relationships to be smooth sailing all the way through, you’ll be in and out of relationships for the rest of your life.

Getting Through It

So, now you know what to expect, but how do you get through it?

Navigating the middle is a lot easier when you know what to expect. Without comparing it to the start, you avoid a lot of the unnecessary questioning and doubting of the path.

Besides that though, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Discipline:

That’s right, trusty old discipline. But it’s true, as even if you’re expecting the bumps, you still have to drive over them.

Without high amounts of motivation, constant feedback and fast progress, continuing to do the thing becomes a lot less enjoyable, so you’re going to have to force yourself up a lot of the time.

Discipline will get you up on the days when you don’t feel like doing it, which, during the middle period, can be quite often.

Delayed Gratification:

At the beginning, effort and reward are almost instantaneous.

Once this wears off, however, the distance between the two slowly increases over time.

Sometimes, you don’t see the pay-off until months later. It’s like bamboo; it spends the first few years underground before it shows above ground.

Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not working.

Momentum:

Once these results and progress do start showing themselves, though, you’ll pick up some momentum.

Momentum is like riding a bike downhill, picking up speed as you go. It’s the next best thing to the learning phase.

To get momentum, though, you’re going to have to be consistent. It's not working when you feel like it, it’s putting in the reps every single day until eventually you stop thinking about the work and it becomes second nature.

Patience:

Overall though, you’re just going to have to wait.

The bigger the goal, the longer the middle period, so start thinking in terms of years and decades, not weeks and months.

Lengthen the time with which you compare and think. Understand that the work you're putting in will pay off; it's just a matter of when.

If you truly care about what you’re trying to do, should waiting be that hard?

Enjoy the journey, as I said; winning lasts a fraction of a second anyway, so be where your feet are and focus on the process.

You’ll get there eventually.