You’re Not Lazy, You’re Just Scared To Change

If everyone has some form of potential, then why isn’t everyone pursuing it? Why doesn’t everyone become the person they could be?

Is it because they’re lazy? Or because they think it’s too hard? Or that they’re incapable?

Personally, I believe that most people will never become someone that they’re proud of, not because of any of the listed reasons above, but because they’re scared.

There is a fear that comes with improving, and it’s not for any hidden or secret reasons that take a lot of introspection to uncover. Instead, it’s much simpler and more obvious than that.

Improving means changing, changing means unfamiliar, and unfamiliar is scary. That’s it.

Yes, even if we can conceptually understand that improving is better, it doesn’t necessarily remove the fear.

Here’s why:

Uncertainty

Even if who you are and what you’ve got right now isn’t what you want, it’s still familiar. You’re used to it.

Sometimes, whether we realise it or not, we’d rather have the pain we know than something better we don’t.

You might think, surely it’s the fear of failing that truly holds us back, but even failing is something we can get comfortably familiar with.

We have an amazing ability to get used to our conditions, and even if the conditions are bad, they're made better by how comfortable we become in them.

Loss Aversion 

Research proves that loss feels psychologically stronger than gain, even with things that are of equal value.

Changing, even if it means improving, means losing what we know.

Losing routines, losing people, losing comfort, losing excuses, losing ourselves.

Yes, we gain better things or better versions of what we had, but we don’t see it or feel it that way. The sense of loss is present regardless of what we get in return.

Responsibility

If we decide we can change, we’re admitting that who and where we are is on us. This doesn’t feel too great.

By staying where we are, especially if it’s not a great situation, we’re able to quiver under a blanket of excuses.

I am where I am because of them, or that, or him. But deciding to change means taking full responsibility, and responsibility, even though it has its extreme upsides, still just doesn’t feel good.

Sometimes, staying down to avoid responsibility is easier than getting up and taking it on.

Identity

As mentioned, when we change, we lose who we are; we lose our identity.

“I don’t do that”, “That’s not me”, “I’m not the type to”, “I’ve always”.

We fit ourselves into categories, parking spaces with labels that paint a picture of who we think we are.

Changing not only means losing that, but gaining a different identity, one we don’t yet know.

Becoming someone we’re unfamiliar with is a frightening concept.

Exposure

When we improve, we know that doing so is going to require exposure.

We know that if we keep doing what we’re doing, not much is going to change.

So we put ourselves in new situations, we test ourselves, and ultimately prove to the world that we’re looking to improve.

But this also means placing ourselves in the public light. It’s coming out of our comfortable little corners we’ve become so familiar with and, no doubt, being in the limelight.

This opens up the possibility of ridicule. People seeing us, talking about us, doubting us, laughing at us.

And if there’s one thing we somehow care about above all else, it’s public scrutiny.

We have such a deep-rooted need to fit in, to belong in a tribe. But today, fitting in undoubtedly means forgetting your potential. So we can no longer have one without the other.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s always a new tribe to fit into, but until that day comes, we’re going to be standing alone, naked for all to see.

Conclution

Yes, changing is hard, but it’s not the difficulty of changing itself that stops us from trying, it’s the fear of all the things that are going to change as a consequence.

This fear is more than enough to completely paralyse us, and when you consider all of the above, it’s easy to see why.

If you know you can be and do more, but are yet to start, it’s a real possibility that you’re hiding from the discomfort of change.

But this discomfort, so be it a lot, is temporary, whereas the discomfort of saying the same is small, but will last and build forever.

Your choice.