Responsibility Can Change Your Life

I believe responsibility is the very first step to improving your life, taking responsibility for your actions and circumstances is the beginning of a meaningful change. However, a person cannot change what they do not know needs changing. This is where self evaluation comes in. A truthful self evaluation can be extremely uncomfortable, which is why most people avoid it. What these people fail to see however is this discomfort is only temporary, it is the necessary short term discomfort that saves you from a life of regret. It is painfully glorious. Be honest with yourself, who are you? Why are you where you currently are? And be truly honest, you won’t get the answer you want, but it will be the one you need. 

I want to be clear that firstly there are the things that your actions and decisions have led to, and also the things that are completely out of your control. Now of course, everyone should take responsibility for the prior, such as being in a relationship that isn't good for you, or being out of shape/overweight. And the same principle applies for such circumstances. However I will be focusing on the latter, these things could include getting ill or getting hurt by someone. Just because they are not your fault does not mean you can’t take full responsibility for them. 

Life is difficult, there is no avoiding that. Things will always happen to you, unfair things, things you do not deserve. Some of these can cause extreme emotional discomfort, I understand that. However, being responsible for these things is the only promising way forward. Let’s be clear, taking responsibility for them does not mean blaming yourself, it means cutting blame out of the equation altogether as it doesn't matter who or what’s at fault for the way you feel, you’re the one suffering the consequences, therefore the responsibility of acting accordingly is yours to bear. Do you have a time machine at your disposal? I'm guessing not, therefore you have a zero percent chance of changing the past, so there is no greater waste of time than suffering from it. However, what you do have is something much more powerful, choice, you have the choice to change how you think, feel and react to everything, giving you the option of deciding your future.

I believe there are two ways of approaching such circumstances.

Approach 1 - The victim

The first is the excuses approach, the victim approach. The person who takes this approach is the one with the smallest chance of becoming who they could become, this person thinks that as the way they feel is due to external circumstances that are completely out of their control, they must be a victim, and if only life wasn't this cruel, things would be different. Who does this serve? What good comes of this? It’s hard for me to believe this serves anyone, especially the person in question. It may do so in the short term, but it only causes more severe long term consequences. This person reduces the possibility of successfully getting through difficult times, and kills any chance of becoming better in the process. Take this approach with caution, you have been warned!

Approach 2 - The hero

The second approach is taking that exact same external situation, feeling the exact same feelings, but deciding to take responsibility and move through it regardless. It’s understanding that it cannot be changed, and realising that dwelling or complaining about life's unjust attacks is a complete and utter waste of time. And instead seeing them as opportunities for growth. It’s avoiding any resentment and bitterness and choosing courage. It’s possible to see the good in almost all painful experiences, and if that fails, well then you can at least still see how becoming a stronger person is a worthy by-product. This person begins seeking these challenges, as they have learned the true power that comes from going through difficult times, they view these as opportunities instead of setbacks. Eventually, this person becomes bullet proof, nothing affects, discourages or stops this person from becoming who they truly could be. This person can get so good at doing this that they start taking responsibility for other people too, whether it be their partner, kids, friends or community.

Being either one of these people is a choice any of us can make. I know which one I’d rather be. 

Choose wisely.