When Self-Improvement Turns Toxic

Self-improvement should be a positive experience, although a lot of it comes from pain and stress, the overall process of focusing on one’s growth should be enjoyable.

However, there comes a time when trying to improve yourself turns self-destructive, how ironic.

When a person goes from being someone they hate to someone they can be proud of, and attributes that change to their ongoing effort to improve themselves, it can be very difficult to let go.

A lot can change in a very short period of time, especially when you’re starting from ground zero, so when that momentum inevitably slows down, a lot of negative side effects can arise.

Whether you’re already relating to this or wondering if this is something that may one day show up for you, you may want to continue reading.

The Toxic

Bigger goals, higher expectations and new levels of productivity are all positive outcomes of consciously improving yourself.

However, each one of these comes with its own toxic element.

Bigger goals come from an increased level of self-belief. We do what we said we were going to do, we increase their difficulty, and we do it again. Then, we set our sights on the big stuff.

The problem? Well, the moment we decide to chase our biggest goals, we also create distance between ourselves and them, and we will continue to compare ourselves with the future version of us who makes it happen..

This, in turn, makes us feel like a failure. It’s difficult not to subconsciously feel that distance, leaving us with a feeling of dissatisfaction and lack of progress every single day.

The same happens with our expectations, the things we used to pride ourselves on doing, the things that used to make us feel as though we were progressing, now only feel like the bare minimum. Again, making us feel as though we’re not doing enough.

And if these are the feelings that arise from still taking action and being productive, then you can imagine what can arise during moments of downtime.

Vacation and holidays become desperately trying to focus on relaxing, instead of just simply enjoying and being where your feet are.

This is all due to one thing. When you first started, you needed this mindset; it’s what got you to where you are now. But now that most of the gritty work is done, an element of that mindset needs to die.

You need to go from beating yourself up for not doing enough to allowing yourself to be more like the old you, and it’s knowing when and how that’s so tricky.

Restoring Balance

So, how do we keep ourselves in check whilst continuing to chase our goals? 

It’s not easy, but honestly, it’s a lot easier when you come to the realisation that if you keep experiencing negative and destructive emotions as a consequence of trying to get better, you’re only going to get worse.

If you keep beating yourself up, you’re going to get to the point of giving up completely, because you’ll realise that you’re now feeling worse than how you did when you decided to make a change in the first place.

Once this sinks in, you’ll have no choice but to chill the f*ck out.

In the meantime, focus on routine. If you can fit the productive alongside the relaxation into your routine, you’ll have less to think about.

A cheat meal once a week isn’t a cheat meal if it’s actually a part of your diet. The same goes for watching TV, sitting by a beach or going to a party. 

It’s not unproductive if it’s going to increase the chances of you succeeding in the long term, so give yourself a break.

You have to wake up and realise that you’ve grown, and the mindset that got you to this level won’t get you to the next.

The moment you start beating yourself up for not doing enough is probably the biggest sign that it’s time to do so.