The Lonely Side of Personal Development

Personal development is one of the most satisfying and self-fulfilling journeys a person has the pleasure of venturing.

You can improve, grow, and even completely redefine yourself. 

There are, however, a few negatives, one of them being a little loneliness along the way. 

With changing yourself comes change in your surroundings and environment, and a side effect of that change can be the lonely period.

The lonely period is a period that someone goes through when they essentially grow out of their current friend group but do not yet have the means to connect with their new set of friends.

In turn, this leads to some feelings of loneliness.

The amount of time this lasts is unknown and specific to the individual; it may be extremely short for some and agonisingly long for others. Either way, the chances of avoiding it altogether are quite slim. 

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. - Jim Rohn

This is pretty difficult to disagree with.

So, considering you’re very similar to your friends, when you decide to aim up and grow, it’s only natural that you begin to grow out of them. 

It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to lose your friends altogether, but being friends with people who do not share your goals and aspirations is challenging. Especially if they continue to be the very thing you’re trying to change about yourself.  

Therefore, experiencing some loneliness with personal development is to be expected.

Are You in the ‘Lonely Period’?

How do you know whether this is what you’re currently experiencing?

Besides just having genuine relatability to what I’ve already mentioned and having some good emotional intelligence, there are a few subtle signs to know whether you’re going through the lonely period. 

The first is what we’ve already mentioned, losing friends. If you feel like you no longer want to spend as much time with them or just genuinely dislike who they are, this is a massive sign that you’re growing out of them.

As we’ve covered, you’re who you spend time with, so as you grow out of yourself, you’ll also grow out of your friends.

Another sign is receiving negative comments from people around you, including family.

Something that comes from personal development is higher standards and harder goals; the better you become, the higher you aim. In turn, you’ll receive quite a lot of comments from people telling you what you’re doing is wrong and that you won’t succeed. 

This is all a result of making people feel uncomfortable, which is another telltale sign.  

Sometimes it comes out in ways like negative comments; sometimes it’s written all over them. 

There have been times when talking to some people about my fitness or business goals has brought conversations to a screeching halt. 

Don’t forget, telling people you’re improving just reflects what they are not doing for themselves; it reminds them of the dreams they gave up on.

They’ll avoid these feelings by either changing the conversation or making you feel stupid. Never let them get to you. 

Okay, now that we know what it is and if we’re in it, what do we do about it?

Now What?

The lonely period is all about not having people who relate to your new self and the goals you aspire to. So, let’s start there.

A lot of the lonely period is just waiting, it’s being patient enough until you eventually find your new kind of people.

Of course, you can also do things to help this by placing yourself in situations where this is more likely to occur, but besides that, you must. You’ll eventually attract and be attracted to the people you want around you.

Another thing you can do is change your digital environment. The lonely period is hard because you have no one to share with or talk to about where you’re headed, etc. So a great way of mitigating this is to follow people online who do.

You can train your social media algorithm to show you the content you want to see; just follow, like and watch content of that nature until it starts showing it to you all the time.

This is a good way to feel less alone, as you’ll see many people doing the same things.

The last thing to do, and probably the most important, is to reframe the lonely period.

If you view it as a negative, you’ll be much more likely to avoid changing altogether. You’ll let the negative feelings and nasty comments affect you, possibly making you give up altogether.

The lonely period is a sign that you’re growing, and if you see it as such, you’ll be less inclined to retreat from it. 

On the other side of the lonely period is the very opposite; you’ll finally get the friends that you want, you just need to make sure you get there first.

So, if you feel like you’re currently going through the lonely period, don’t forget it’s only temporary.

To make the lonely period feel a little more bearable, change your digital environment, reframe it as a positive, keep reading this blog and be patient.