The Art of Saying No

If you want to become successful in any domain, you’ll need to be good at saying no.

Success requires discipline, focus, dedication and commitment, all of which involve saying no in some way or another.

There are many different types of no that you’re going to need to master. Whether it’s saying no to a party, saying no to a Snickers bar or saying no to a golden money-making opportunity. 

Saying no can be much harder than it may seem, and becoming good at it may be the difference between you reaching your goals or falling short.

Here, you’ll learn why saying no is so difficult, why it’s so important and how to shift your mindset to help make it easier. 

The Difficulty

Saying no to things is always difficult, but why? 

Social pressure, fear of missing out and instant gratification are some of the reasons. If you say no to going to a party with your friends, you’ll feel bad for letting them down, you’ll worry about not being a part of something, and you’ll regret missing out on all the fun.

On top of all the surface-level reasons, like the ones stated above, there’s also an aspect of saying no that often goes unnoticed, and that’s the feeling of lack that comes along for the ride.

When we say no, we see it as just that, a refusal of something. It makes us feel as though we’re lacking, we're lacking something that we could’ve said yes to, but chose not to.

Regardless of the reasons why we said no, even if it’s to do something or have something much better, it still leaves us with a lingering sense of missing out. 

You may be wondering if saying no is so difficult, then why do it at all? 

The Importance 

As we’ve covered, saying no is a requirement for success, and for things like parties, the reasons why it’s important are quite obvious.

What might be a little less obvious, however, is saying no to the Snickers bars or the golden opportunities. 

Saying no to something as small as a chocolate bar is important because how you choose to do the small things is how you’ll do the big things, as keeping your identity and intentions consistent is essential. 

As we covered in a previous blog, conflicting identities are never a good idea; if you want to become someone, everything you do must align with that person. Here’s the link for those of you who have yet to read that one: LINK

As for the golden opportunities, you should probably say no to them as they are more likely to be distractions than anything else. 

The truth is, any business venture looks great from the outside, but the moment you start, you get to see that it, too, is full of problems, just like any other. 

Saying no to a “golden opportunity” is hard because it means like you’re missing out, and you are, you’re missing out on a whole new set of problems and challenges.

Success comes from focusing on one thing until you get good enough to win, and that’s it. 

Changing Your Mind

When it comes to mastering the art of saying no, it mostly comes down to shifting the way you view it.

As I said, saying no can create a sense of lack, it can make you feel as though you’re missing out on something. But if you’re saying no because you have better, more productive things to fill up your time with, you’re actually saying yes.

You’re saying no because you’re saying yes to something better; there is no lack of any kind.

Seeing it this way can alleviate so much of the fear of missing out and sense of lack, making it easier to say no.

It’s also easy to feel some guilt when saying no to plans, when someone invites us to an occasion, whether it’s family or friends, we feel a sense of obligation to say yes.

Sometimes, we even say yes, knowing that we’re going to need to come up with some excuse not to go later on.

But the truth is, saying no because you have goals you’re working on is probably the most valid reason you could have. And saying so shouldn’t be feared. 

It’s only worrying because of how they might react, or how they may feel, but if they were a true friend and someone worth worrying about, they’d be over the moon to hear that you’re too busy creating a better future for yourself. 

Feeling uneasy saying no is natural, obviously, but if you start thinking about what you truly want, you’ll eventually see how little it should matter. Our time on this planet is limited, and if we fill it with doing things we don’t want, our life no longer belongs to us. 

You don’t have to take it to the extreme, it’s not about avoiding saying yes altogether, it’s about avoiding the worry of saying no. 

From now on, start noticing the situations where you’re faced with saying no, whether it be a Snickers bar or a birthday party. And remember, the more you say no to things, the more successful you’re likely to be.

How far you take that is completely up to you.