Taking it Too Far - The Downsides of Self-improvement

Improving yourself can be one of the most profound things you can do; your mental and physical health can drastically improve, changing your entire biopsychosocial well-being for the better.

It can pull you from the deepest depths of hell, entirely changing the lens through which you view the world.

It’s one of the most fun, most exciting and addictive quests a person can have the pleasure of pursuing.

However, with many addictive endeavours comes the possibility of obsession, and with it, the chance of taking it too far.

From someone who has become addicted to self-improvement, I have some experience with what taking it too far looks like.

Self-improvement is just that, improvement, yet if we take it too far, we go full circle. We can try so hard to improve that it makes us miserable, the very thing we're trying to avoid.

Here are a few things that can result from the obsession with self-improvement, so you can try your best to avoid them.

Growth Spurt

One of the problems with self-improvement is expecting the same level of growth that you’ve had to continuously occur.

If you started from the bottom, which many people do, as it often takes one extreme to spark another, then you may have experienced an impressive amount of growth in a very short period. 

This, in turn, can leave you always comparing your current level of improvement to that of yours at the beginning, and constantly striving to reach the same heights.

If this is you, then you’re setting yourself up for unwavering disappointment.

It’s only natural to want to improve at the same rate as you once did, but this is unrealistic. Even if you managed to reach it again, you’ll then continue to live trying to reach that new and higher target. 

The truth is, growth is non-linear, and expecting otherwise is a life of disappointment waiting to happen.

At the start, your growth may look something like this

The truth is, this can’t last; it’s impossible. This doesn’t mean you won’t improve; it just means you’ll do it less rapidly and nowhere near as consistently.

Your growth may look a little more like this.

Doesn’t look like much, right? 

But if you know anything about stocks and the stock market, you’ll know that all you have to do is increase your time horizon and zoom out a little, giving you a broader view.

Meaning, your growth over time will look more like this.

Mind my lack of artistic capabilities, but you get the picture.

Focusing on the first is unmet expectations, focusing on the second is a feeling of stunted growth, but focusing on the third is a sigh of relief and a feeling of pride and accomplishment.

The only thing determining which one you experience is which one you decide to focus on.

Obsession

As I’ve said, self-improvement can be highly addictive, and this can lead to obsessing over every little thing in our lives, regardless of how insignificant they are.

Obsession can lead to trying to control and improve everything we possibly can, even things that have no meaning.

This just leads to pure exhaustion, which inevitably leads to burnout.

Self-improvement can take over our lives, which can then no longer be described as self-improvement and can more accurately be called self-distruction.

If we're hyper-focusing on improving so much that we keep causing ourselves to burn out, we’re going to cause the opposite effect.

I’m once again going to conjure my inner Van Gogh to help make this point.

By going too far, you may get more growth initially, and you’ll still grow overall in the long term. But by causing burnout, you’re actually growing slower than you would with more consistency.

What’s the point in causing your own pitfalls for less overall progression? That’s what over-obessing looks like. 

The green line is what you want to strive for: less pain, more growth. 

It’s natural to become obsessed with something that has changed your life so much, but letting it go too far will only cause the very thing you’re trying to avoid.

Focus on the things you can control, the important things. Perfection is not a target, it doesn’t exist.

Loneliness

When rapidly changing as a person and becoming an upgraded version of yourself, you start noticing subtle aspects of life that could completely derail you.

One of these aspects is the people around you. People in your neighbourhood, your co-workers, your family and friends.

You start noticing how the mindset, habits and ways of living these people have are something you’re desperately trying to change within yourself, and notice the effect of being around them has on you.

We’re social creatures, and without consciously being aware of it, we’re constantly analysing where we fit into our social environment.

If our environment is filled with these types, being around them can drain us, it can suck the life fom us.

It can start to make us feel stupid for trying to change; the sheer volume of people who are all in the same drowning boat can make us consider hopping onboard. 

Being an outcast has been a major survival red flag during our entire existence, so it’s bound to make us feel as though we’re doing something wrong.

In turn, it can create the sense of having only two options: join them or pure isolation.

The truth is, the latter option is probably the least lonely. Being surrounded by people who are nothing like you can make you feel so much more alone than actually being alone, and so that’s what we do.

If you’re lucky enough to find people who match you, your mindset, your values, and your goals, then you probably don’t know how lucky you truly are.

If you’re still yet to find them, hang in there, it’ll be worth it when you’re living a life you genuinely want to live with the people you want to live it with. 

The lonely period is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong; it’s evidence that you’re closer than ever before to becoming who you truly want to be.