Identity-Based Habits: Becoming Who You Want to Be

We all have an ideal version of ourselves that we’d one day love to become. Regardless of where we’re at in life, at any stage, we all have one. 

The question is, however, how do we become them? 

Although the set list of things to do would be completely different for each individual, the core idea of how we actually ‘be them’ is the same. 

What I mean is, regardless of who it is we want to become, at what stage do we officially stop merely wanting to be them, and be able to accurately identify as them? 

There seems to be a tendency to imagine our ideal selves as far, far away, as though they are some mythical creature, bordering the lines of reality.

However, I’d argue that they are much closer than you can possibly imagine.

Here’s what you can do to finally become the person you want to be.

Actions

The reason I said your ideal version is much closer than you think is that they are simply waiting for you to take the corresponding actions. Although that’s not the complete equation, it amounts to most of what’s required.

Don’t just think of the person you want to be; actually picture them.

What are they doing, what are they thinking, what’s the last thing they do before bed, and the first thing they do when they wake up, what are their daily habits?

You can probably paint a pretty clear picture of what they look like. And when you do, the only thing left for you to do is simply that.

What are we besides what we do? If I were to ask you to name a close friend, then to describe that friend, you’d proceed to tell me about what they do.

Although there is more to us than what we do, don’t forget we’re talking about ourselves.

Meaning we already are the person that we want to become, in all ways besides the things we do, besides our actions and habits.

And these are things we can control; it’s something we can change.

What’s Left

As I said, taking the corresponding actions is most of what’s required, but now let’s talk about the remaining parts of the equation.

As it says in the title, the actions and habits must be identity-based, meaning they must align with the person you want to become.

It’s not only about adding actions that you don’t already do, it’s about changing or removing habits that you already do that don’t accurately align.

If any of your actions conflict with the identity you’re trying to own, then you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Everything must align, and you have to be honest. It’s easy to say that if your ideal version is physically fit, then all you have to do is change your diet and exercise routine.

This is wrong, if you continue to sleep in, gamble, drink alcohol, etc, then you're keeping your current identity present, and it’ll always conflict with the one you want; being physically fit means being consistent, disciplined and driven, which the above habits conflict with.

Everything must change.

The last thing you must do is turn these actions into habits; if you have to force yourself to do them each time, then you’re not yet your ideal version.

They must become you, they must be things you do without thinking, things you almost can’t live without.

Don’t worry, this only takes time. When you first break bad habits and start new and healthy ones, it never feels good to start; you simply have to let time catch up.

When the law of delayed gratification kicks in and you feel the sense of progress, they get easier. When you notice yourself living a much healthier and happier life, it gets easier again.

Eventually, not doing them is much more painful than doing them, and that’ll be the moment you’ll realise you’ve completely changed.

It won’t be the moment that you can finally identify as them, that’ll be before, but it will be the moment you’ll feel it, you’ll experience what it’s truly like to be them.