How to Go From Who You Are, to Who You Want to Be
One of the most interesting things to me is that so many people accept who they are, as though they cannot be changed and cannot be improved.
I don’t just mean improving yourself to achieve the things you want, either.
People fail to understand that they can change the smallest, seemingly meaningless aspects of themselves that actually dictate most of what they get out of life.
A person can go from being someone they despise, from living a life that is slowly suffocating them, to being someone they’re not only proud of, but also being someone who can create a life they want, and can also fully engage with it, and can appreciate and enjoy it.
I know this because it’s exactly what I have done, and is exactly why I am so passionate about the subject.
So, how does someone take something so important that they currently cannot even notice, become aware of it, and then go about changing it?
Understanding
The first step to changing yourself is to understand how.
At first glance, you may think, ‘What good is knowing how, if I don’t first know what I’m changing?’, and it’s an excellent question.
It’s a tricky one, but the truth is, you’re more than likely completely unaware of the aspects of yourself that are currently causing problems, and will remain hidden if you first fail to understand how. Not only how to change them, but also understanding how they're causing said problems.
Once you have a deeper understanding of the brain and how specific thought patterns, actions, and habits cause specific problems, you can then apply that knowledge to introspection, the next step in the process.
There are a few ways to do this, but the first one I am going to recommend is to read. Read books that will give you that deeper understanding, books that highlight the conscious and subconscious brain.
Once you become aware of how powerful the subconscious mind is and how much power and control it has over you, only then will you truly grasp the potential you have to completely change your entire reality.
I’m going to list a couple of books at the end of the blog. But, just to quickly provide some context, here’s how powerful the subconscious mind is:
Do you ever scroll through reels/TikToks and notice a sudden mood shift? You’re not sure what caused it, so you scroll back up until you find the video. You (the conscious mind) didn’t catch it, but the subconscious mind did; it noticed signals under your nose and shifted the way you felt without you even realising.
The problem is, sometimes we keep scrolling without ever noticing (this isn’t just about scrolling).
What about when you learned to drive a car? Every move was conscious; it had to be. But now? You shift gears and use the pedals without even thinking about it. The conscious became unconscious to save you the trouble of thinking.
The same thing happens every single day: the subconscious mind takes care of things to save you the trouble of doing so, but a lot of what it does is wrong and only causes you more harm than good. That is why the understanding phase is so important.
Another good way to learn is from the experience of others. Listen to podcasts, watch videos and have conversations that include people who have changed their lives and who have become completely unrecognisable.
Even if they don't mention the deeper process, after reading relevant books, you’re able to apply that understanding and see patterns in other people's stories. You’re able to see the process even if they can't.
And the final way to obtain an understanding is to learn from your own experience, but for that, we move on to the next step.
Introspection
The next step is to identify and bring to light to things that you do, the ways in which you think, that are causing the problems.
You have to know what the issue is to change it.
To do this, you have to take what you learned in the understanding phase and apply it here. Become conscious of what was unconscious, keep track of how you think, feel and act.
It’s about noticing thoughts as just that, thoughts, and not identifying with them as though they’re the reality.
It’s about catching things that alter the way you feel, noticing why, and not letting them dictate how your day goes.
It’s about questioning beliefs, questioning your identity and looking within to find every self-limiting thought that arises.
In a nutshell, it’s becoming aware of everything that previously evaded your attention.
To return to the example above, it’s once again becoming conscious of driving, to identify any flaws or bad habits, then change them, which once again moves us on.
Action
Once you know how and what, it’s time to bring it all together.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, and for that, you have to take action, you have to act differently, think differently and feel differently to be different. Simply knowing, by itself, is not enough.
The good news here is that once you know what parts of yourself need changing, you simply need to do the opposite of whatever you were doing before.
A lot of this will be doing the things that the ideal version of yourself would do. A misconception is waiting until you feel like doing them before doing them, but the truth is, action comes first more often than not.
A lot of how you want to feel is on the other side of what you do; you just need to know why, how and truly understand how long it takes to work.
To stick to the same example, it’s understanding that driving has become unconscious, becoming conscious of it, then taking action to change it, until the improvement becomes subconscious. That is upgrading yourself.
Now imagine doing this with something much more important than driving. Imagine it’s the way you react to your trauma, maybe it’s addressing your anxiety, maybe it’s changing your first thought every morning, which is the hidden reason why you’re miserable.
Do this enough times, and you completely change your whole reality.
You can change your life, you just need to know how!
Books to read:
- Thinking Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman
- Blink - Malcolm Gladwell
- The Power of Your Subconscious Mind - Joseph Murphy
Good Luck!